Lyrics

If I Could Be Like Xena

If I could be like Xena
A feisty warrior princess
I’d scream my ululations
While I slice and dice and minces.

And I would scare my landlord.
And make him fix my shower.
And he would not evict me
Cause I’d have such awesome power.

And I would be a legend
Riding horseback through the streets
Conquering my inner demons
And fighting crime from here to Crete.

Let’s all be heroes
Let’s all have swords.
Let’s party with centaurs
And drink wine from gourds
We’ll bail out the good guys
And stomp out the bad
Cause it keeps us in training
For the great Olympiad!

But the gods are laughing at me
And all the goddesses smirk too.
Cause I’m just a little milksop
And I’m so afraid of you

But if I could be like Xena
For just an hour or two or three
I’d beat you into submission
And then you’d fall in love with me
That’s how it works on t.v.

If I could be like Xena
A feisty warrior princess
I’d catch daggers in my teeth
And I’d hardly even winces

Cause that’s the kind of stuff
It takes now
To make it in the old or new world
You gotta be a muscle mama
Or you get treated like a slave girl

Let’s all be heroes
Lets’ all have swords
Let’s party with giants and evil warlords!
We’ll bail out the good guys
And stomp out the bad
Cause it keeps us in training for the great Olympiad!

Copyright 1996 Marilyn Rucker Norrod