1. Modern Man

From the recording Tea Pot Lady

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You must never open conversation.
You must only smile and look discreet.
Let him think you’ve got your reservations.
But when he speaks to you be very sweet.
Never give him all of you attention.
Let him think he’s got to plot and plan.
If he wants you he’ll show his intentions.
That’s the way to catch the modern man.

Some girls think they’ll win by being honest. (ha ha)
Some girls think that way there’s no regret,
But all the happy women with men promise
They’ve been successful playing hard to get.

I was once a loser too.
Didn’t know the rules
Why were all the men I dated
So standoffish and cruel?

That was back when I still bought my dinner.
That was back when I returned their calls.
But then I worked to get seven pounds thinner.
And started acting like a living doll.
And no man’s yet to call me false or worthless.
They’re all acting ga-ga and in love.
Lest you think this moral tale is mirthless.
Laugh! It’s modern man I’m speaking of!

Yes it’s just the way you’re mama taught you.
Men won’t buy the cow if they’ve got milk. (Got milk?)
Don’t put out or make him sure he’s caught you.
Unless you’re dressed in white satin and silk.

Just treat him like you can’t be sure you love him
But not as bad as someone you can’t stand.
He’ll put you on a pedestal above him.
That’s the way to catch the modern man.
Just one little caveat
Heed this warning call.
Once you’re on the pedestal
You must never fall.

You must never open conversation. (repeat first verse to end)

Copyright 1998 Marilyn A. Rucker